Feeling EMO and EMO

I felt very bad today. The mood swings in me just gone wild and terrible. Feeling like I have turned into a monster, beast, unsociable good-for-nothing brat bla bla bla....

I have to admit myself to be the one who seek attention so much. Without that, I am aimless in doing things, getting very very down, feeling everything was against me, helpless, distress....

But then what's the point for getting all those recognitions? Are they anything useful to me? Or just to lure my own lustful ego?

See how "thinking too much" I am! I cared too much about things that I cannot get! I am just too jealous with others. My heart can hardly grasp a time for peace, which I wanted SO MUCH!!!

CAN ANYONE TELL ME HOW NOT TO THINK TOO MUCH???

Thinking back, all these problems (which are not really PROBLEMS) are self-generated, BY ME. Neither can I control it whatsoever. This all self-destructive poisons are all generated by ME.

One more thing, I hate to be that ULTRA SENSITIVE la! I even care SOOO MUCH if someone (especially girls) doesn't reply me or only give short replies in SMS and MSN. Why like that? Why don't I just GET A LIFE ha????

WHO AM I IN THIS WORLD TO GET ALL THESE?

AND WHY I STILL WANT ALL THESE?

WHY I BRING ALL THESE TROUBLES TO MYSELF?

Please Lord, I beg You, to let me get peace and joy again in your Sacred Heart. Let me have the courage to take up the cross and follow you.

I wish someday sometime, tears can really roll down my eyes. I want to cry, too bad, till now, I CAN'T.

God bless you all....